He Should
by NotGivingUp
Summary: He should be able to fix everything. He was the leader, right? He should be able to make all the problems go away. He should be able to keep them all together and sane. But, that's exactly the point. He SHOULD, so why can't he? Pre-BTR, angst all around!


**Kendall angst? Hmm, the subject is new to me. Hope I don't let you Kendall fans down! :)**

* * *

><p>Kendall banged his head against the wall, a few tears being freed from the movement. He rubbed the tears away before leaning forward to rub his head. <em>Stop crying. <em>He thought, wiping away another tear. _Crying isn't going to fix anything, so there's no point in it._

He was currently sitting on his bed, wondering how the heck everything had gone _so wrong. _He had thought was no way so many things could go wrong at once, but did they.

_I'm the leader. I _should _be able to fix all of this, but I can't. Some leader I am._

Let's start with just the friendship in general. It was falling apart at the seams. They just didn't hang out together as much as they used to. There was just an awkward feeling when they were all together, like something big was missing. Like the happiness of their friendship slowly dimming.

Another tear fell as Kendall thought about it, but he didn't stop it.

Now, the friends themselves. James was slowly separating from them, hanging out with the more popular kids, the ones who knew more about the stuff that James knew. No, he wasn't doing it on purpose, he still thought they were all still close buds, but the other three could just _feel _him slowly drifting away, and it put a tear in each of their hearts.

Kendall closed his eyes tightly. He _should _have been able to prevent James from leaving. He _should _have spent more times with James, made him stay with their little group. Kendall _should _have shown him he had everything he needed with them. But he didn't.

Then there was Carlos. Sweet, innocent little Carlos, who was being bullied. Not physically, but verbally. Carlos could hold his ground though and ignore them, but Kendall knew it still hurt him, Kendall just didn't know how to make him feel better anymore. He _should _know though. He _should _be able to help Carlos just brush off the words. He _should _be able to make the bullies stop, but he can't.

Kendall let his face fall into his pillow. What was happening to him? Why couldn't he even fix the basic problems anymore?

Finally Logan. Funny, happy, smart Logan was suicidal. He didn't like the life he was living anymore, and he just wanted it all to end. He never came to Kendall with his problems anymore, and Kendall would only find out something was wrong if the problem became too much and Logan blew up. Kendall _should _have seen something was wrong. He _should _have been able to help Logan with everything that was wrong. He _should _have been able to make Logan see things weren't that bad, but he couldn't.

Kendall screamed into his pillow, his body shaking with sobs now. How the heck did things go so bad? How come he couldn't fix everything anymore? How come he was the leader in the first place, he knew he wouldn't be able to handle it.

Kendall: street smart, fun, and depressed. It felt like everything had a way to remind him of something that was wrong in his life, especially when life took a turn for the worst. He didn't have the perfect family, and now he was starting to lose his friends. He didn't have any way to escape the feelings of dread that seemed to always fill him.

As Kendall cried, he kept thinking he should stop. Crying wasn't going to fix anything, it never had, and it never would. Then he realized, he _should _have done a lot of things, but he hadn't and he had to deal with it. Maybe the things he _should _have done would have made a difference, maybe not, but he was where he was now, and he needed to deal with it.

Kendall sat up and grabbed a tissue from his bedside table. Tomorrow, he would get all of his friends to come over, force them if he had too. They needed to know what was going on with each other, and re-discuss what they did know. Their friendship may be falling apart, but there was always a chance to fix it.

Or, so Kendall hoped.

* * *

><p><strong>That was pretty bad, but usually when I get into something new, the first thing is always bad. So, knowing that, hopefully my next Kendall angst will be better, because now I'll be able to point out where I went wrong in this story, and make them right in the next! Horary for hope!<strong>

**Okay, now in thoughts of the story, you guys think I should do a sequel? Like, where all the guys talk about everything that's going wrong, and see if they fix it? Hmm?**

**Happy Early Holidays!**

**-Saun**


End file.
